i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
