Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
