my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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