I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize