you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
