ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
