do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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