Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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