I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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