I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
