Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
