hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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