So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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