I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
