dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize