I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
