my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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