Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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