I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
