I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
