so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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