i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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