I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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