Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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