i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
