We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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