I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
