we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
