also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize