Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
