I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
