On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
