So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We smell like vodka and hangover
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