Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
