theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize