I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
