this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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