ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
