Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
