Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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