My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
