Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
