Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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