Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
we should paint friendship bongs
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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