I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
