Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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