so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
