He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
