I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
