So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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