He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
