I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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