Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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