oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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