did you get engaged???
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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