is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
