Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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