Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
