this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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