You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
last night I used snow as a chaser
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