my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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