just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
