and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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