It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
