So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I will pee on everything he values.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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