i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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