Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Randomize
