Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
