Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
