So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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