There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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