dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I believe in your delicious
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
