Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
