I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
