2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
