Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
